Give her and inch and she wants a mile!

August 28th~Saturday

I stayed home today and worked on my yard, but I talked to Mom on the phone in the morning. She got on the phone and said, "HEEELLLLOOOO, STEPHANIEEEEE" and so I said, "HELLO, MOOOOOMMMMM." She was in good spirits today. She requested a crewel embroidery, so I told her I would try to find a beginner one or a kid one that she can try. Who knows....whatever she wants, right?

August 29th~Sunday

Mom really enjoyed her beer on Thursday that now she had my Dad get her one on Saturday and is now requesting a Screwdriver Drink! Give her and inch and she wants a mile! Granted now, she quit drinking quite some ago, but it was always her drink of choice. (I've heard that some people have swabbed the mouths of a dying person w/their liquor they used to drink.) I stopped at the Liquor Store in Granite Falls (open on Sunday) and picked her up two little baby bottles of Absolute and an OJ.

Dad went to the Smokey Point Swap Meet yesterday and again today to make extra $. Our caregiver leaves at 2pm on Sunday, so I needed to be there until Dad got home at about 3pm. Dad brought home a really nice card from nice Swap Meet Friends that knew Mom, they also gave her some nice Silver Dollar coins, that was very nice of them. Mom was doing pretty good when I got her today. I fixed her pillow under her legs to be under her calves/not her knees, so her heals would not have any bed pressure. I also made little tents to keep the blanket pressure off her some too. She asked me what I was doing, with a puzzled iratated look....I told her I was trying to make her all comfy (she's like 'whatever').

Dad got home, a little before 3pm and I heated up the Chili that the Caregiver made for them; they both enjoyed it :) Mom ate about a good 8-10 bites! I smashed it up a little and made sure she got some beans.

Mom wanted her Screwdriver drink, so I made her a half of a drink in her Mickey Mouse cup. I had let her hold the little bottle of Vodka and asked her, "Now, how do I make a Screwdriver?" She wouldn't tell me, because she said , "You and Christine knew how to make one." LOL! I asked her if she could taste the Vodka and she said, "YEP, YEP, YEP!!" LOL!

I vacuumed up the house really good and did some laundry. Dad has been in the process of moving some belongings to a Storage Unit lately and will most likely start setting up the new Apartment in Arlington as soon as the paperwork is final (probably Sept 1st). He does not plan on completely moving out of the Mobile Home until October. The room where Mom sleeps (living room) is untouched.

A little later, around 5pm Mom wouldn't wake up for us! I would say, "Lorrie, Mom, Mother...Open your eyes." She wouldn't budge. My Dad got pretty worried, thought she had a stroke or something.....I felt for her pulse and it was good and she was breathing. My Dad called the Hospice Hotline and a Nurse was going to come by and see her. We finally got her to respond to us a little and Dad said, "how come you didn't answer us?" and she said, "because I didn't want to." I told her she worried Dad and she said, "that's stupid" Oh dear.....poor Dad!

The Nurse came and said Mom may have had a mini stroke. She got a shot of her liquid morphine and it seemed to bring her around :) I will be googling this mini stroke stuff now too.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend and thanks for thinking of us :)

Mom's Beer

Thursday-August 26th: I went over to see Mom and Dad tonight. I arrived around 7:00pm or so w/a requested 6-pack of Budweiser Beer. My dad does not drink beer anymore, but he decided he wanted to tonight, so here is a pic of MOM w/her Mickey Mouse cup and her part of the beer...she had two cups, what the heck!? We can barely get her to eat, but Mmmmmm she liked that cold beer :) Dad said, "you deserve it, dear, after all the sh*t you've been through." We did a cheers :) I stayed until 1030pm talking and visiting w/Dad and seeing what I could do to make Mom more comfortable.

Unfortunately, Mom has bedsores on her legs, severe one on her hip and leg, and her heals are hurting her w/bedsores too :( I called DSHS today and got the same line of BS....this happens, blah blah, Hospice says she has what they can offer....blah, blah....she is dying....blah, blah. I took an egg crate in a soft pillow case and put it under her sore swollen foot.

Mom is no longer on her Fentanyl Pain Patch, as the nurse felt she does not have enough fatty tissue to soak up the medicine, so she is now on morphine tablets and liquid morphine. The tablets are time released, so they take time to take affect....Dad was up several times last night, but hopefully tonight they are back on track w/controlling her pain. Tonight the only thing that she was complaining about was her heal....I just wish I could buy everything in the world to make her feel better.

I love my Mom and Dad. I've been so lucky to have been raised by them.

Ramblings of Stephanie's day....

I went to see Mom yesterday....trying to get there before she had to have her morphine. So my day went a little like this~

Ran around the house like a chicken w/head cut off, made some phone calls, made pancakes for the boys (Scott and Skylar), did my sit-ups, threw in some laundry and out the door around 1045am or so. Ran out of gas at the end of the neighborhood...YAY!!! I had to get out and start pushing the car (second time I've done this....stupid red car gas gauge lies!!), some neighborhood man stopped to help me (THANK YOU, NEIGHBORHOOD MAN, DALE)...he took me to gas station w/his gas can and we got some gas, he put it in my car and followed me back to gas station to make sure I made it. So far, I'm thinking....WAFD (what a f'ing day). I just need to get to my Mom's house. I need a Xanax already.

Got to the Mobile Home park and they are paving the roadways. So I had to park at the mailboxes and walk through to get to mom's house, (uuuuugggghhhhh!) in time to say "hi and I love you" and a little visiting, before the morphine. Dad had been calling me wondering where I was...stressing me out! Lauralei was also wanting to spend some time (as she was flying out the next day to go back home) w/me and vise versa, so I took her over to the Cold Stone Creamery, since we had both never been there before :) I stayed and visted until around 530pm.....I was about to leave around 4, but Mom said, "Awwwww.....", so I asked her if she wanted me to stay a little longer and she did....so I did! (I'm still stressing out that I left the boys for longer than I wanted to today and that I had to make dinner for my husband, since he goes to bed about 730). I got mom to eat some VEGGIE BEEF SOUP, one of those handheld "t0-go" soups...She drank about 1/8 of it, better than nothing!

I read her some of her poems, there was a funny one about her fishing off the river dock at our neighbors house in Baring and her catching a 4lb steelehead. I read it to her and she seemed to really enjoy it.

I made it home a little before 7pm I think...made salad and spaghetti for hubby and Scott. Skylar wanted mac n cheese.

Ahhhh, finally a cold beer, hubby telling me he is feeling unloved by me....what more could I ask for? I say another Xanax before I freak the hell out on someone~

It's so hard to show your own family they are loved when you are worried about your dying Mom. I feel like I'm dying too.

~A few of Mom's Poems~

What a gift she is leaving us with....Mom has quite a few poems from over the years...here are a few:

~Written for Steven, my husband of 30 or so years (so this one was written about 10 years ago)
You are my light in the darkness of my mind, you light my way thru all my frightened dreams & cold yesterdays, you are my light that brings many
tomorrows and clears away of all my sorrows.

~Written for my husband Steven
I hope you know I loved you, I hope you know I cared. I hope you know I lived my life for you, I hope you know my soul is bared

~Written for Stephanie (me!)
In those quiet times of long ago yesterday I sang my bsby a lullabye & now I'm singing the blues for she has left me wearing red high heel shoes.

~Written for my grandaughter
Stacie Lee
Shining star of my life your bright eyes and sunny smile bring light to my heart & eyes, you are a treasure, my hearts desire and your special beauty is that of which I'll never tire.

~Written for my daughter
Lauralei
Oh Lauralei, sweet Lauralei, you are so beautiful to me, you are like a mermaid out upon the sea. Oh Lauralei, sweet Lauralei do you sing a siren's song, or to me do you belong. Oh Lauraleit, sweet Lauralei do you sit upon the rocks in the water there, do you sing to ship passing in air. Oh Lauralei, sweet Lauralei.

~Written for the Baring Store~"Our little mountain store" Written for all the friends
Welcome to our little mountain store where people come for coffee, gossip and more. Welcome to our little mountain store where you see friends you have now and the ones before. Welcome to our little mountain store where you'll be there for the laughs & jokes galore. Welcome to our little mountain store; where once you come & we hope you'll come once again.

Rocky Mountain High: John Denver

John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

Freddie Fender Before The Next Teardrop Falls (with lyrics)

FREDDY FENDER-VAYA CON DIOS

Precious Moments

SUNDAY-AUG 22: I Talked to Dad for a bit this afternoon...(I left Thursday evening for a trip to Oregon to see William's Mom and Step-Dad near the Dunes). My Dad mentioned Mom has been having hard time breathing so he's had to give her morphine about once a day now. Dad also said Mom knows what's going on (that she is dying), and they've had some good talks and said these times are "Precious Moments"....(One reason I really didn't want to leave for 5 days).

MONDAY-August 23: Mom's Son, Lil' Vic, flew back to his home in St. Louis yesterday morning-what a nice man he is. It was so nice of him to fly out and be here for Mom....she definitely knows she is loved by him :) It was nice to get to know him better too.

Lauralei has been here for about 12 days and will fly back to her home in Clayton, NC. (she just moved there from Arkansas) tomorrow, Wednesday. I am sure her family will be happy to her back! Mom sure has enjoyed having her there 24/7. I know it's been hard on her to see Mom in so much pain though :( Dad said he sometimes just has to go outside and walk around for a minute.

I went to see Mom after we got home from our Oregon trip....Dad called me when I was already on my way and said she was in alot of pain and that he had just given her morphine again, so she was out cold sleeping. I was already on my way...I wanted to see her anyways.

Mom is not doing well...she is basically skin and bones :( Dad and Laura said she has not eaten for the past 4 days, can't even force her to. She has been taking sips of her juice though. Mom's legs and feet are really bothering her from laying in the bed so long. She has terrible bed sores, even though she is being repositioned, her skin is just breaking down - no intake of nutrition. So sad, we all feel just terrible for her. She has a nurse that comes by often, the nurse is very helpful and my mom really loves her.

TUESDAY-Aug24: Talked to Mom for a bit on the phone, she hopes she is awake to see me when I get there. I told my Dad I better head over soon! My dad is going to look at some apartments, that is a different story though....just one more stressful thing my Dad is dealing with. I don't remember if I mentioned he went to the Dr. for his inner ears/vertigo and he now has high blood pressure, blah! He is hanging in there, though!

Sometimes we feel it's like we are the "blind, leading the blind."

ONE OF MOM'S FAVORITE SAYINGS: "VIAS CON DIAS" (from the Freddy Fender song).

Mom still keeping us on our toes!

A couple of nice pictures....mom was awake :)
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Juanita & Lauralei






Mom is hanging in there.....not sure how, but she is. She has been going into a coma-like state and sometimes we can't get her to respond for nothing!





Today mom has her son Lil' Vic flying in from St. Louis, MO :) When the nurse told her yesterday that he was coming she said, "Oh bullshit!".....lmao.



Juanita got here last Thursday and Lauralei arrived Friday/Saturday AM. (Two other daughters)~They have been a big help to dad. She did wake up and say, "YAKETY YAK YAK"...Dad and the girls figured she must of wanted peace and quiet? LOL....



Dad looks tired, he has been taking stuff to storage unit...he does not plan on staying in the home after mom passes away. Yesterday he said he didn't want to keep any pictures either....I told him he does and I will make him a nice frame w/pics of him and mom.....I'm still the bossy one! He's going to miss his "Sweetie."





Love to all and thanks for all your warm bright thoughts!

Wholey crap, Batman!!

Mom snapped out of it and woke up! She ate her Cream of Wheat this morning and drank her juice! Dad called me this morning and of course I panicked, but it was good news. I talked to mom for a bit on phone too :) What a blessing she brought to my heart :)

***Mom in her younger years :)

Mom not doing so well....

Tuesday, Aug 10th~

Dad said mom not doing so good, been sleeping alot. Went over to see Mom w/Skylar (he played on the computer). She wouldn't really wake up, so I vacuumed the house...didn't seem to bother her at all! Dad not feeling so great, so he made a Doctor appointment for his inner ears and they said he had high blood pressure too. Mom got another surprise visitor today, Ana stopped by to say, "HI" :) Mom did finally wake up while Ana was visiting and Mom said, "you lost weight, you look nice....how are your boys?" It was a nice visit for all. I was able to get mom to eat about a 1/4 cup of Vegie soup too :)

Wednesday, Aug 11th~

Dad called this morning and had me talk to nurse. Nurse said Mom isn't doing too much responding and may being going into a coma type state. Went over as soon as Will got home from work and couldn't get her to wake up or respond much either. I sat with her and gave her a washcloth and clipped her nails and stuff. We did manage to get a nod that she wanted pain medicine, so she we gave her morphine for our first time.

Thursday, Aug 12th~

Mom was somewhat responsive this morning, I was a little reassured by this! I talked to her on the phone briefly, a little muffled, but she was talking some! She was able to swallow her pills and drink some juice. Apparently she didn't stay real coherant for too long though. Juanita flew out today from Colorado. We could not get much response from her, but she did smile a couple times and try to respond in other ways. Lauralei will be flying in tomorrow.

Sad times.

From Lorrie: Remember, Love is the answer to all of life's problems.

It's a new day :)

Now I can't remember what day this was, as I started this posting below earlier this week:

Dad called me yesterday and said Mom had to have a Catheter :( Definitely not a sign of recovery. The day before that, Dad mentioned the nurse said Mom might make it to Labor Day...I really don't like hearing a date, stresses me out more. We have heard it before, but Dad said he thinks she is right this time. Dad said I might want to come over more often at this point.

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**Saw mom yesterday (Saturday, August 7th) for a little bit, she is pretty weak. I told her Jessica and Dina had just asked me to give her a hug...she remembers them (Jessica the wood girl and Dina the school teacher parents girl....LOL)

Mom said she was seeing double; I think it's because she had just taken some pain pills a bit prior. She was getting all sleepy eyed, was trying to keep a conversation with me and eat some cream of wheat...she has a hard time feeding herself, her caregiver, Jill helps her :) I keep thinking, "poor mom." She was so energetic-always going and now she can't do a darn thing. Dad said she was moaning in pain last night, not about anything in particular...not her arm, nor her hip...her entire body is pretty much in pain now.

"I look back on my childhood and thank the stars above. For everything you gave me, but mostly for your love." Wayne F. Winters, from Ode to Mom

"A mother is someone who dreams great dreams for you, but then she lets you chase the dreams you have for yourself and loves you just the same." Author Unknown

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." Agatha Christie

"I am not a perfect mother and I will never be. You are not a perfect daughter and you will never be. But put us together and we will be the best mother and daughter we would ever be. Zoraida Pesante

"All that I am my mother made me." John Quincy Adams

Surprise Visitors for Mom again!!

Tuesday, August 3rd~

Tara (my high school pal) and her two little ones, Camden and Keihana went out for a mexican lunch with Skylar and me and then we all went to visit Tara's, "Mom Lorrie" :) Mom said, "Well, how 'bout that!" with a big smile. It was great to see her spirits lifted. Mom was happy to see Tara's two little ones too, she had not met them yet!

Dad gave C & K a Hotwheel car each (he has a collection) and showed them his "room" of fun stuff. Camden offered Dad $5.00 for something.....lol. I showed Tara Mom still has "the famous button collection" and another "little collection" she has always had too....LOL, some will know!!

Tara learned that mom has a pretty memory when she wants to! Thank you for coming for a visit Tara, Camden & Keihana :)